How do I write a calm message to my co-parent?

Keep it short, stick to one topic, say what you need and by when, and leave out blame. Read it out loud before you send it. If you're angry, wait an hour.

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Co-Parenting Message Templates

Q: Should I text or use a co-parenting app?

If your court order says how to communicate, follow it. Some orders name a co-parenting app. Writing things down helps both parents remember what was agreed.

Q: Are these templates legal advice?

No. They are general examples. Change them to fit your situation, and ask a family law attorney about anything that affects your custody order.

Short, calm messages for the things that come up every week. Tap Copy, fill in the blanks in [brackets], and send. Free, no sign-up.

The rules that keep it calm

Short. Three sentences or less when you can.
One topic. One message, one question.
Clear. Say what you need and by when.
No blame. Leave out the past and the "you always."
Read it out loud first. Angry? Wait an hour.
Follow your order. If it says how you talk (a co-parenting app, email), use that.

Schedule and pickups

Confirm a pickup

Hi [name], confirming I'll pick up [child] at [place] at [time] on [day]. See you then.

Running late

Hi [name], I'm running about [minutes] minutes late, sorry. I'll be there by [time].

Ask to switch a day

Hi [name], I have [reason, short] on [date]. Could we switch to [other date]? If that doesn't work, I understand and I'll keep the regular schedule. Can you let me know by [day]?

Holiday plan

Hi [name], checking our plan for [holiday]. Per our schedule I have [child] from [day/time] to [day/time]. Does that match what you have?

After a missed visit

Hi [name], I was at [place] at [time] for pickup and didn't see you. Is everything okay? I'd like to set up make-up time. What works this week?

School, health and activities

Ask for school news

Hi [name], could you send me the dates for [conferences / the school play / report cards] when you get them? I'd like to be there. Thanks.

Share a doctor update

Hi [name], [child] saw [doctor] today for [reason]. They said [short update]. Next appointment is [date]. Let me know if you have questions.

Ask about a call time

Hi [name], what's a good time for me to call [child] this week? [Day] around [time] works for me.

When it gets heated

Calm reply to an angry text

I hear you. I'd like to keep this about [child]. On [the one real question], my answer is [answer].

Take a break

I want to answer this the right way, so I'll get back to you by [time] tomorrow.

Say thank you

Thanks for [being flexible on Saturday / sending the photos]. I appreciate it.

For your child, not your co-parent: some things you want your kids to hear can't go through a text. Write them a letter in the free Message Vault and keep it for the day they're ready.

Common questions

Should I text or use a co-parenting app?

If your court order says how to communicate, follow it. Writing things down helps you both remember what was agreed. Log the big ones in your free Custody Journal.

Are these legal advice?

No. They're general examples. Change them to fit your situation, and ask a family law attorney about anything that affects your order.

Does DMF see what I copy?

No. Copying happens on your phone. Nothing is sent to DMF.

More free tools

Message VaultA letter to your child, for the day they're ready. Custody CalendarHolidays and whose day it is. Custody JournalLog messages, calls and visits. Safe exchange spotsCalmer handoffs near you.

Hard day? You're not alone. Call or text 988, free and confidential, 24/7. In danger now? Call 911.

Dads Moving Forward is a community for every father. General information only, not legal advice.